When Good Experiments Go Bad
by Teena M
Summary: Heero and Quatre attacked the wrong base at the wrong time. Murphy's Law in action. Now they, Treize, and Zechs are kids, and it's all Treize's fault! According to Quat-chan, anyway.


Teena: *laughs* I spent a lot of time on this fic, and had a lot of fun  
with it. I'd tell you what it's about, but that'd spoil the surprise.  
Disclaimer, Duo.  
  
Duo: Teena doesn't own GW or any of the characters. Sueing her will get  
you her glassware collection and not much else. *grins* I think fic   
writers as a rule don't have much money.  
  
Teena: You shut up! Jerk! Anyway, here's the fic.   
  
  
When Good Experiments Go Bad  
  
  
It was an absolutely beautiful day, but none of the pilots in the   
safehouse were out enjoying it. All three were in the living room. Wufei  
and Trowa were discussing a point of philosophy, and Duo was watching  
TV. They were waiting for Heero and Quatre to get back from a mission.  
All three teens were starting to get twitchy, because their two companions   
were overdue. Duo jumped up at the sound of a car pulling up, and switched  
off the TV.  
  
"A car? What's a car doing here? Do you think it could be them?"  
  
Duo bolted for the door, not waiting for an answer. Wufei and Trowa got  
up and followed, albeit more slowly. Duo paused in front of the door, as  
voices made their way through. Piping, childish voices.  
  
"This is all your fault!"  
  
"I am not the one who attacked the base! Everything would've gone fine if  
you two hadn't shown up and started blasting everything in sight!"  
  
"Both of you, shut up. Assigning blame won't solve our problem."  
  
An adult woman's voice joined in as Duo opened the door.  
  
"He's right. Our main focus should be getting you all back to normal. Stop   
arguing, we're supposed to have a truce."  
  
Standing outside the door was Noin, with four little boys. She looked up  
as the door opened. "Thank goodness! I thought we'd never get here! We  
need to talk."  
  
Trowa and Wufei had come up behind Duo, and they eyed Noin suspiciously.  
"How did you find our safehouse, onna?"  
  
"Heero gave me directions."  
  
"Heero?" Duo broke in excitedly. "You've seen him? How is he? Where is he?"  
  
"He's-" Noin broke off as one of the little boys, the one with short blond  
hair, ran past her and glomped onto Trowa's leg.  
  
"Trowa! I'm so happy to see you! Look what's happened to us! We're KIDS, and  
it's all HIS fault!" the boy sobbed, pointing back at another boy with   
ginger-colored hair.  
  
Trowa looked at the child attached to his leg closely, and his eyes widened.  
"Quatre?" he asked disbelievingly.  
  
Duo and Wufei turned to stare at Trowa, then the boy clinging to his leg,  
then back to the three boys still clustered around Noin. Duo's eyes widened  
as he saw one of them had messy brown hair and very familiar blue eyes. "No  
fuckin' WAY!"  
  
"Yes way, and not in front of the children," Noin snapped, picking up the  
last boy, who had long, white-blond hair.  
  
"For God's sake, Noin, we are NOT children! Now would you please put me  
down?"  
  
"Gomen, Zechs," she replied, putting him back down. "Physically, you ARE  
children, and it's hard to remember that you're really not. Especially  
since I've been listening to Quatre and Treize bicker all the way here."  
  
"He started it," Trei-chan snapped irritably, as he wandered over to Wufei.  
"I thought you said he was an apologist, dragon. He's been trying to put  
the blame on me all afternoon."  
  
Wufei groaned softly as six sets of eyes landed squarely on him. Noin and  
chibi-Zechs just looked amused, Duo and chibi-Quatre looked shocked, and  
Hee-chan and Trowa looked faintly pissed. Wufei looked down at Trei-chan  
resignedly, and sighed. "So much for being discreet."  
  
Duo blinked, then managed to regain his composure. "Anou... right. Wu-man,  
we need to have a serious talk about your taste in men. Anyway, I guess   
the best way to go at this is to each their own. I'll take care of Heero,   
Trowa'll do the same for Quatre, Wufei and, um, Treize, and Noin and Zechs.   
That sound good to everybody?"  
  
Heero and Zechs both turned cold stares on the American pilot. The two  
spoke almost in unison. "I can take care of myself."  
  
"Su~ure, you can. Where are the cups, Heero?"  
  
"Top shelf, left-hand cabinet in the kitchen," he answered instantly.   
"Why?"  
  
"How you gonna get to 'em, short stuff?"  
  
Heero shot Duo a Death Glare(tm), which, frankly, is a lot less   
intimidating coming from a six-year-old. Besides, Duo had never really   
been fazed even by Heero's worst glares. "Bastard. Go to hell," Heero   
snarled.  
  
"Been there, done that, even the devil can't stand me," Duo replied   
breezily. "You done with the macho crap now?"  
  
Heero considered it. "Pretty much, yeah."  
  
"Good," Duo said, picking the little boy up. Noin and Zechs stared,   
dumbfounded. Trowa, Quatre, Wufei, and Treize had gone inside during the  
argument. Heero yawned and wrapped his arms around Duo's neck.  
  
"I need to take a nap, Duo. It's been a long day, and this body doesn't   
have much endurance."  
  
"No problemo, kiddo. You two coming?" Duo tossed back over his shoulder  
as he turned to carry Heero into the house. Noin and Zechs exchanged  
confused glances, shrugged, and followed Duo inside, closing the door  
behind them.  
  
  
The next day...  
  
"Trowa! I don't want to take a bath yet! It's the middle of the day!"  
  
"You have to take a bath, Quatre, you're filthy. Whatever possessed you  
to go jumping in mud puddles?"  
  
Quatre scuffled at the floor tiles, looking embarrassed. "Well... I  
wasn't allowed to the first time I was a kid. I had to stay neat and  
clean all the time, Father insisted. I just thought I'd try it."  
  
"Well, now you can try taking a bath in the middle of the day. You're  
tracking mud all over the house," Trowa complained.  
  
"But I don't WANT to take a bath! Besides, it's MY house!"  
  
"I don't care," Trowa replied firmly. "You're taking a bath, and that's  
final."  
  
Quatre stuck his lower lip out in a cute little pout, and his eyes   
misted over. "But, Trowa..."  
  
"No buts. You," Trowa said, pointing at the little boy. "..are being   
manipulative. Yes, you're very kawaii, but you're still taking a bath."  
  
Quatre plopped down on the floor, still pouting. Trowa ignored it, and  
pulled off the child's muddy shirt and shoes. "Stand up so I can get the  
pants off."  
  
"No! I don't want to take a bath, and you can't make me!"  
  
"Quatre, you're being childish."  
  
"I am a child!"  
  
"No, you aren't. You are a teenager who is currently in a child's body.  
Act your age."  
  
"You're mean!" Quatre scowled blackly at Trowa as he stood up. Trowa  
blandly ignored the boy's unhappy expression, quickly stripping him of  
the rest of his clothes and putting him in the tub. Trowa turned on and  
adjusted the water, then stoppered the tub. He went and got a washcloth  
and the soap while it filled, then turned the water off. He handed the  
soap and washcloth to Quatre.  
  
"Wash. Or I will do it for you."  
  
Quatre snatched the proffered items, soaped the washcloth, and started  
washing, glaring at Trowa with all the anger and hurt of an unjustly  
treated child. He finished quickly, rinsed out the washcloth, and tried  
to wring it out, without huge success. Trowa took it, wrung it out, and  
tossed it in the hamper. He took the little blond out of the tub, and  
handed him a towel, then some new clothes when he was dry. The two left  
the bathroom, only to run into a frowning Heero.  
  
"Quatre, can I talk to you? Alone?" Heero asked pointedly, looking at  
Trowa. Quatre blinked and shrugged.  
  
"I don't see why not," Quatre replied, following Heero out. Heero sighed  
as they walked, then spoke.  
  
"I need your help with something. You know the drawer in the fridge?   
Where we keep the sandwich stuff?"  
  
"The one that keeps sticking? Yeah, why?"  
  
"I can't get it open," Heero admitted reluctantly.  
  
"Why don't you ask Duo for help?" Quatre asked, surprised.  
  
"No!" Heero answered angrily. "I don't wanna listen to him say 'I told  
you so'. I'm sure if you help me, we can get it open."  
  
"Okay, Heero, I'll help. I still don't know why you don't ask one of the  
grown-ups, though."  
  
"'Grown-ups'? Quatre, you're acting like a kid. Stop it, you're as bad  
as Treize. He's practically been tied to Wufei's apron strings all day."  
  
"Wufei doesn't wear an apron," Quatre said as they entered the kitchen.  
He started giggling at the mental image of Wufei in a frilly pink apron,  
with Treize attached to the strings.  
  
"It's an expression," Heero said tiredly, opening the fridge. "Now help  
me with this, would you?"  
  
Quatre nodded and grabbed onto the drawer with Heero. The two boys   
looked at each other, nodded, and heaved on the drawer. It stuck for a   
minute, then came loose all at once, sending both of them tumbling.  
  
"Ooowwwwwww!" Quatre yelled.  
  
"Itai," Heero muttered, rubbing the back of his head. They looked up  
as Trowa walked in, moving quickly. He kneeled down next to Quatre and  
checked him for injury. As he was checking, Duo ran in, and saw Heero  
sitting on the floor, still rubbing his head.  
  
"Heero! What happened? Are you okay?" Duo asked, picking Heero up and  
looking at his head.  
  
"I'm fine. Just smacked my head."  
  
Duo looked at the two little boys, then at the fridge and the open   
drawer, then back at Heero. "You couldn't get it open, could you? Ready  
to concede defeat? On more than a temporary basis?"  
  
Heero sighed and nodded. "You win. Gomen, Quatre. You okay?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll be fine, Heero. I'm just a little scraped up, that's all."  
  
Trowa and Duo exchanged looks, picked up their respective kids, and  
walked out of the kitchen.  
  
  
Elsewhere...  
  
"Noin! I can brush my own hair! Let go of me!"  
  
"Zechs, would you please hold still? Your hair is a mess, it'll take you  
half of forever to do it yourself," Noin snapped, holding onto the  
squirming little boy.  
  
"I don't care, if I can do it myself, I WANT to do it myself! I'm not a  
child, I'm not even a teenager, I'm an adult, and I refuse to be fussed  
over!"  
  
Noin scowled, then smacked him over the head with the brush. Not hard  
enough to do any damage, but hard enough to hurt. Zechs jumped and   
glared at her, rubbing his head.  
  
"Itai! What the hell was that for?!"  
  
"You're acting like a brat," Noin replied bluntly. "Now, LIEUTENANT, sit  
down, shut up, and let me brush your hair!"  
  
Zechs stared at her with a dropped jaw. Noin had NEVER spoken to him  
that way before. He scowled, then settled down in front of her just as  
Wufei walked in, Treize tagging along behind him. Taking in the scene,  
Wufei put together what all the noise was about, and who had won, then  
gave Zechs one of his 'You Are Weak' glares. Treize just wandered over   
to look at Zechs with raised eyebrows.   
  
"Zechs, what on earth happened to your hair?"  
  
"I fell down the stairs," Zechs said, his scowl deepening.  
  
"You WHAT?!" Treize and Wufei said in unison. Zechs glared at them both.  
  
"You heard me. I tripped and fell down the stairs. Six-year-olds do not  
have the world's best coordination," Zechs replied coldly.  
  
Treize covered his eyes and sighed. "This is my best pilot. No wonder  
we're losing."  
  
Treize blanched and ran behind Wufei as Zechs shot him an evil glare.  
Wufei scowled at the little boy, then pushed him out into the open. "Don't  
be weak, Treize."  
  
"I'm six!"  
  
"That is only an excuse for physical weakness. Hiding from Zechs, who is  
ALSO six, is inexcusable."  
  
"Wufei, he's a child right now. Why are you being so hard on him?" Noin  
asked.  
  
"I am not required to explain myself to you, onna," Wufei replied   
arrogantly. He turned around and stalked out while Noin was still in   
shock, Treize following at a trot. Noin scowled, then sighed and went   
back to brushing Zechs' hair.  
  
  
Later...  
  
"You tripped me!"  
  
"I did not! You tripped all on your own!"  
  
"Liar! I felt your foot!"  
  
"That was your own foot!"  
  
"It was not!"  
  
"It was, too!"  
  
"Wasn't!"  
  
"Was!"  
  
Heero and Zechs walked in and watched the bickering pair with disbelief.  
Heero glanced over at Zechs, shaking his head.  
  
"Pathetic."  
  
"Quite," Zechs agreed. "What are we going to do about it?"  
  
"WE aren't going to do anything," Heero replied. The little boy turned   
around and yelled, "Trowa! Wufei! Quatre and Treize are fighting, AGAIN!"  
  
Zechs blinked at him. "Calling in reinforcements? Is that really  
necessary?"  
  
"I'm not going to take on the job of breaking those two up when they   
decide to pick a fight. If I do it once, I'll end up doing it all the  
time."  
  
"I suppose that makes sense," Zechs conceded as Trowa and Wufei walked  
in.  
  
"Treize!"  
  
Treize jumped and looked ashamed, then carefully put on an innocent   
look. "Is something wrong, Wufei?"  
  
"Yes, something is wrong. You have been told to stop fighting with   
Quatre."  
  
"We weren't fighting. Were we, Quatre?"  
  
"Anou... we weren't?" Quatre asked distractedly as he nervously watched  
Trowa. Trowa was calmly watching Quatre with his arms crossed over his  
chest.  
  
"That's exactly right, Quatre. We WEREN'T," Treize said firmly, glaring  
at Heero, who raised an eyebrow in response.  
  
"Do not lie to me, Treize," Wufei said severely. "Come to the exercise  
room. You can spend twenty minutes practicing katas as punishment. Ten  
minutes for fighting with Quatre, and ten for lying to me."  
  
Wufei turned and strode out of the room, followed by a crestfallen  
Treize jogging along behind him. Zechs grinned evilly.  
  
"This I must see. I'll see you later, Heero," Zechs said, waving goodbye  
as he hurried after the other two. This left Heero watching Trowa and   
Quatre watch each other silently. Finally, the very little blond broke.  
  
"Nani? It wasn't my fault, Trowa! He tripped me!"  
  
"That is no excuse, little one. You were both told to stop fighting."  
  
"But he started it!"  
  
"Then you should have ended it. You promised me. I'm very disappointed,  
little one."  
  
Shaking his head quietly, Trowa walked out, leaving Quatre standing in  
the middle of the floor, stunned. The little boy's eyes filled with tears,  
then he started wailing loudly, collapsing onto the floor. Heero winced  
slightly, then walked out, plugging his ears with his fingers. He was  
glad Duo was the one taking care of him, and not Trowa.  
  
  
A day or two later...  
  
Duo was in the kitchen, doing dishes from lunch, when Heero walked in  
and climbed up onto a stool next to him. Duo looked over at him and   
grinned. "Hey, kiddo, what's up?"  
  
"Duo, I want a cookie."  
  
"Nope, sorry, no cookies for you. Dinner's in an hour or so. You'll have  
to wait."  
  
"But Duo, I'm hungry now."  
  
"If you're so hungry, get an apple or something. Healthy food."  
  
"I don't want an apple, I want a cookie."  
  
"Tough luck. You can have a cookie after dinner."  
  
Heero decided it was time. He opened his eyes wide, and sniffled, then  
looked at Duo with misty blue eyes. His lower lip was pushed out in a   
cute little pout, and trembled slightly. "Onegai, Duo? I really want a   
cookie."  
  
Duo looked down into the teary cobalt eyes, and melted. He couldn't   
resist that look. "You're a horrible child," Duo muttered as he got out  
a cookie and handed it over. As soon as the cookie was in his hand,   
Heero's face cleared, and he smiled at Duo before running out of the  
room.  
  
Quatre was standing there waiting for him. "Well?"  
  
"Ninmu kanryou," Heero said, smirking. He broke the cookie in half and  
gave half of it to Quatre. The blond boy grinned at him.  
  
"I told you it would work. Duo's a softie. I wish Trowa didn't have such  
strong ideas on parenting. It was easier to get what I wanted from him  
when I was a teenager."  
  
"I wonder if this'll still work for me when I'm grown up again," Heero  
said thoughtfully, munching on his half of the cookie. Quatre shrugged.  
  
"I have my doubts. You're not cute enough as a teenager. You're too  
sexy to use cute tactics."  
  
"Oro?" Heero said, wide-eyed.  
  
"I mean it. When I was older, I had a real thing for you. Most of us  
did. You have no idea what you do to people. Duo's lucky."  
  
"Hn. I'm the one who's lucky." Heero's eyes lit with a wicked gleam. "Hey,  
wanna see me make Duo freak?"  
  
"Sure," Quatre replied, grinning. Heero winked at him as he stuck his head  
back into the kitchen.  
  
"Oi, Duo! I'm horny!"  
  
"NANI!?!!"  
  
Heero quickly pulled back out, grabbed Quatre's wrist, and ran for it,  
pulling the smaller boy along behind him. Both boys were laughing as they  
dashed upstairs. They ran into Quatre and Trowa's room and shut the door,  
then sat down hard, gasping for breath.  
  
"Heero, that was evil! So... what was Duo's face like?"  
  
"It's hard to describe. It was funny as anything, though. Bet I'm in for  
a scolding when he catches up with me."  
  
"I'm not stupid enough to take that bet," Quatre replied, then yawned.  
"Heero, I'm tired. What about you?"  
  
"I am, too. Let's take a nap until dinner. Can I sleep with you? I don't  
feel like going all the way to my room."  
  
"Sure, Heero. There's plenty of room."   
  
Quatre and Heero climbed up on the bed and got under the covers. When  
Trowa and Duo came looking for them a couple of hours later for dinner,  
they found the two little boys cuddled together in the middle of the   
big bed, fast asleep.  
  
  
The next day...  
  
  
Duo was picking up toys in the front room when the door opened and  
Relena walked in. He looked up tiredly, brushing back mussed hairs  
that had escaped from his braid. "Ojousan, what're you doing here?"  
  
"I'm here to see Heero. Where is he?"  
  
"When I checked on him a minute ago, he was in the living room playing  
with Zechs," Duo replied, waving absently towards a door as he went  
back to work. Relena immediately headed for the indicated room.  
  
"Heeeee~errrooooooo!"  
  
In the living room, Heero looked up from the Tallgeese model he was  
helping Zechs with, and his face paled.  
  
"It's Relena! I've gotta get outta here! Sorry I can't help anymore,  
Zechs." With that, Heero scrambled to his feet and dashed out of the  
room, seconds before Relena walked in. She looked around the room,  
and pouted when she didn't see Heero anywhere. Taking a closer look at   
the blond boy on the floor, she gasped.  
  
"Milliardo?"  
  
"Yes, Relena?"  
  
"What's happened to you? And where is Heero? That Duo Maxwell boy  
said he was in here."  
  
"He was in here. He left. As for what happened to me, there was an  
accident during an experiment, so now I'm physically six. So is Heero,   
by the way."  
  
"Nani?!! Heero's a six year old child? Oh, no! Milliardo, where did he  
go?!"  
  
"He didn't say," Zechs replied with a shrug. "He went out that way," the  
little boy added, pointing to the door farthest from the one Heero had  
actually used. He smiled with satisfaction as Relena hurried out the door  
he had pointed to, then went back to his model. He was disturbed again a  
moment later, though, when Duo rushed in, cursing under his breath.  
  
"Zechs! Where's Heero? Where's Relena? Arrghhh! I don't believe I just  
went ahead and told her where Heero was!"  
  
"Calm down, Duo. Heero went that way, Relena went that way. I don't know  
where Heero is, but I can take a guess. He's probably curled up in Wing  
Zero's cockpit. He's gotten into the habit of doing that when he gets   
upset."  
  
"Huh? Why did Relena go that way instead of after Heero?"  
  
Zechs blinked at Duo innocently. "Now that I think about it, I may have  
pointed to the wrong door when Relena asked me where Heero went."  
  
Duo grinned at the boy gratefully, then hurried out to the hangar. He  
climbed up to Wing Zero's cockpit and opened it. Sure enough, there was  
Heero, curled up in the chair, smiling. Duo's eyes widened as he saw the  
telltale yellow glow that meant the Zero System was activated. He reached  
out and shook Heero gently. Heero opened his eyes and sat up.  
  
"Hi, Duo. Is she gone?"  
  
"I don't know. Zechs sent her off in the wrong direction, but I don't   
know where she is now. Heero, why is the Zero System on? Are you sure it's   
okay for you to use it in your current state?"  
  
"I'm fine. Zero wouldn't hurt me. I'm going to stay here until Relena's  
gone, okay?"  
  
"No, NOT okay. Come out of there. You can't run away every time Relena  
shows up. Besides, if she knows what happened to you, she's not gonna  
give up this time. We'd better just find her and get it over with."  
  
"Okay," Heero said with a sigh, as he climbed out of the chair into Duo's  
arms. "I want to say right now that I'm doing this under protest."  
  
"Protest noted," Duo replied, amused. He got down to the hangar floor   
and tried to put Heero down, but the little boy clung to Duo's neck.  
Duo shrugged and held onto him.   
  
Wandering through the house, the two eventually located Relena, who was  
likewise wandering through the house. As soon as she caught sight of   
them, she gasped and rushed over.   
  
"Heero! Oh, how can this have happened to you? Are you okay? Don't worry,  
I'll take care of you, Heero!" Relena reached for him, but Heero pulled  
away from her, burrowing deeper into Duo's arms. The little boy glared  
at Relena angrily, holding tightly onto Duo's shirt.  
  
"I'm fine. Stupid OZ experiment backfired on me. You are not going to  
take care of me, DUO's taking care of me!"  
  
"But Heero, I can do such a better job! I can make sure you have all  
the things you need!"  
  
"The only thing I need is Duo!" Heero retorted vehemently. "Just leave  
me alone!"  
  
Relena stared at him, shocked. Duo smiled down at Heero, then looked  
at Relena. "Well, ojousan, you heard the kid. I think you should go now."  
  
"But.. but..."  
  
"WUFEI!" Duo yelled. A few moments later, Wufei walked in, followed by  
Treize.  
  
"What IS it, Maxwell?"  
  
"Would you please show the ojousan here the way out?"  
  
"Gladly," Wufei replied, smiling evilly. Taking Relena by the arm, he  
led her off. Treize stayed behind. He looked up at Heero, still snuggled  
in Duo's arms.  
  
"I take it you and Relena don't get along?"  
  
"She's crazy. An obsessed stalker. I don't know why I can't kill her."  
  
"Yare, yare. We've finally found out what the Perfect Soldier is afraid  
of," Treize said, chuckling.  
  
"I am NOT afraid of Relena! I just don't like her! She gives me the  
creeps! Buzz off, Treize!"  
  
Treize lifted an eyebrow eloquently, but left, wandering off in the   
direction Wufei had gone. Heero glared after him, then snorted and   
snuggled deeper into Duo's arms. "You won't let her take me, will you,  
Duo?"  
  
"Of course not, Hee-chan. I don't think even UNE would be that cruel.  
You're staying with me, no matter what."  
  
Heero smiled angelically, then yawned and fell asleep in Duo's embrace.  
  
  
A few days later...  
  
  
All eight of the house's residents were gathered in one room, staring   
at the screen of Heero's laptop. Dr. J's face looked out at them.  
  
"We think we've found the answer. We were wondering why Noin wasn't   
affected, since she was there, and did some research. Apparently, one  
of the chemicals her body produces prevents the reverse-aging effect.  
By injecting the four boys with it, it should reverse the process."  
  
"WHAT IS IT?!" All of them demanded loudly, glaring at Dr. J. The old  
scientist sweatdropped.  
  
"Estrogen."  
  
"NANI?!" The four little boys yelled in unison.  
  
"I already look too much like a girl, and you're going to inject me  
with ESTROGEN!?" Quatre complained. The other boys nodded at the   
statement.  
  
"I refuse to have estrogen put into my body. I'm sure OZ's scientists  
will be able to come up with another cure," Treize declared.  
  
"We've been in contact with the OZ scientists. They agree that this is  
the only way," Dr. J replied, clicking his claw. The faces of the four  
boys fell as one.  
  
"I still don't want to do this," Zechs grumbled. The other three nodded  
agreement, glaring at the doctor. Duo held his index finger up.   
  
"Can we have a minute, Doc? I think we need to talk to the boys."  
  
Dr. J shrugged. "Go ahead. They're not getting any older."  
  
The four caretakers winced, then took their respective charges off   
alone, into different rooms. Four doors slammed in unison.  
  
  
Duo and Heero  
  
  
"You are getting that injection, like it or not," Duo stated with unusual  
grimness.  
  
"But, Duo...!" Heero protested, looking up at his partner.  
  
"No buts. Uh-uh, no way, no how. I want my Heero back."  
  
The little boy's jaw dropped, and his eyes filled with tears. "Duo... I  
AM your Heero! I'm just... littler. Don't you love me now that I'm not  
big?"  
  
Duo gasped, and dropped to his knees, pulling the child into his arms.  
He rocked Heero gently, rubbing his back. "That's not it at ALL, Hee-chan!  
I will love you no matter what! It's just... I miss the old you."  
  
Heero pulled back and looked at Duo with eyes that were still suspiciously  
shiny. "You mean you miss not having to take care of me."  
  
Duo grinned wryly. "Actually, I miss the sex more than anything."  
  
That did it. Heero laughed at the comment. Then his nose wrinkled up. "I  
still don't wanna get estrogen put in me."  
  
Duo cocked his head, looking down at Heero curiously. "Is this some sort  
of regression to the whole 'girls have cooties' mindset?"  
  
"Duo. What girl am I around the most?"  
  
"Anou... Relena. Okay, point taken, but it's that or stay a six-year-old.  
And we're not sure you'll age. Do you really want to be six for the rest  
of your life?"  
  
"It's not that bad," Heero replied philosophically.  
  
"Maybe not for you, you're still pre-hormones, but I'm not set up for  
celibacy, kid. Come on, look at this from my point of view for a sec."  
  
"I can still give blow-jobs," Heero replied, grinning wickedly. Duo blinked  
and stared at him.  
  
"You are one messed-up kid, Hee-chan. I'm a teenager, not a pervert." Duo  
thought about that statement, wrinkling his forehead. "Okay, so the two  
terms are usually synonymous, maybe I should be more specific. I'm a   
teenager, not a pedophile."  
  
"I was just teasing," Heero said disgustedly. "Cripes, you take me so  
seriously sometimes. Okay, I'll get the blasted injection, but you'd   
BETTER appreciate this."  
  
"Believe me, I do," Duo replied fervently.  
  
  
Noin and Zechs  
  
  
"I'm not doing it."  
  
"Oh, really? Well, Lieutenant, how about if you were ordered to do it?"  
  
"I rank you," Zechs replied smugly.  
  
"Maybe, but I know some people who are higher up than you."  
  
"But I know Treize, so that's taken care of."  
  
Noin smirked. "I know Treize, too. I also know Wufei. Treize WILL be   
getting the injection, and he has an 'If I have to, you have to' mindset."  
  
"Bet I could talk him out of it."   
  
"Bet you couldn't. Wufei's got a tighter hold on him than you."  
  
Zechs snorted. "Yeah, Wufei's got him by the hormones. Well, usually. I'm  
still not getting the injection, though."  
  
Noin rolled her eyes, thoroughly disgusted. "Alright, I didn't want to  
have to say this, but you give me no choice. Either you get the injection,  
or I swear to God, I'll turn you over to Une, and SHE can take care of you."  
  
Zechs paled. "You wouldn't!"  
  
Noin leaned down to look him straight in the eyes. "Try me. Lieutenant."  
  
Zechs wilted. "Alright, you win. I'll get the damn injection."  
  
"Good. We can do some celebrating once you're back to normal."  
  
  
  
Trowa and Quatre  
  
"But, Trowa, I don't WANT to!"  
  
"It doesn't matter. You have to."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"That should be obvious. So you'll go back to normal."  
  
Quatre looked up at Trowa sulkily. "Bet I won't be normal. I'll probably  
have breasts or something. I already look like a girl! Estrogen'll just  
make it worse!"  
  
"I sincerely doubt that will happen."  
  
"Trooooowwaaaaaaaaaaa!" Quatre wailed unhappily. "You're not even paying  
any attention to what I'm saying, are you?!"  
  
"I am paying attention to everything you're saying. Very little of it is  
rational," Trowa replied, crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
"It's perfectly rational! I already look like a girl. I am obviously   
suffering from a terrible shortage of testosterone. Pump estrogen into me,  
and who knows WHAT will happen!"  
  
"Quatre, you aren't thinking logically. That line of thought just doesn't  
make sense, little one."  
  
"It makes sense to me!"  
  
"It only makes sense to you because you're getting overly emotional, and  
because children have a certain deficiency in the area of rational thought."  
  
Quatre pouted cutely, but Trowa remained unmoved. Quatre considered. Debate  
obviously wasn't working, temper tantrums had been tried in the past and had   
failed horribly. Cute tactics had been found not to work in the parent/child  
relationship. What was he going to do?  
  
"I'll get you a pet lion if you don't make me," Quatre offered coaxingly.  
  
"Bribery won't work, either," Trowa replied, obviously having followed the  
little boy's train of thought. Quatre's shoulders slumped.  
  
"You're gonna make me, aren't you?"  
  
"Hai."  
  
"Fine," Quatre said, pouting. "But don't blame me when I grow up into a   
GIRL."  
  
  
Wufei and Treize  
  
  
Wufei and Treize stood silently in the room, looking at each other.   
Wufei's arms were crossed over his chest, and he was looking down at the  
little boy sternly. Treize had his fists on his hips, and his feet were  
set wide apart as he stared defiantly up at Wufei.  
  
"I'm not doing it. Better to grow up naturally than be cured THAT way."  
  
"There are three problems with that. One, we're not sure you WILL grow  
up. Two, even if you do, that will mean a ten year age difference between  
us, which is a bit much. Three, I do not intend to let you squirm out of  
this."  
  
"I can make my own decisions!"  
  
Wufei's eyes narrowed. "You are a six-year-old child. As such, you are  
NOT qualified to make your own decisions."  
  
"I'm not six, I'm twenty-three!"  
  
"Normally, you are twenty-three. However, your physical transformation  
seems to have affected your mental state. I am currently your guardian,  
therefore I am making your important decisions for you. I have already  
decided that you ARE getting that injection."  
  
"I am not! I am the commander of OZ, and you can NOT boss me around!"  
  
"Tell me, then, exactly what have I been doing for the past couple of  
weeks?"  
  
"Uhhhhh....."  
  
"Precisely. However, in the interest of harmony once you are yourself  
again, I will make a deal with you. We will go out, and if the others  
are getting the injection, you will, also. Agreed?"  
  
"Agreed," Treize said with a sigh. Wufei nodded, and the two stepped  
out into the main room to meet the others.  
  
  
The four pairs gathered in the main room. The children looked almost  
uniformly sulky. Heero was still sniffling a bit, and Quatre was pouting.  
Treize looked around at the other three kids and slumped. Wufei smirked  
triumphantly.  
  
"I take it everyone has agreed to the injection?"  
  
Duo, Trowa, and Noin nodded. Noin smiled evilly.  
  
"It took some persuasion, but I talked Zechs into it."  
  
"You threatened me into it! You know I can't stand the psycho bun onna!"  
  
Treize lifted an eyebrow. "Do you mean Lady Une?"  
  
"Yes! Noin said she'd turn me over to her if I didn't agree!"  
  
"I didn't know she had it in her," Treize murmured quietly.  
  
"I pretty much just convinced Heero," Duo said.  
  
"Guilt trip," Heero muttered from his place behind his braided caretaker.  
Duo poked him. Trowa chuckled.  
  
"I just told Quatre he had to."  
  
"Tyrant," the littler than usual blond complained.  
  
"If you say so, koi," Trowa replied absently. Various hands hid snickers.  
The group walked over to the screen and Duo sat down in front of it.  
  
"Okay, Doc. We're agreed. They're gonna do it. Where do we have to be?"  
  
"I'll transmit the address. Naturally, this isn't one of our regular   
labs, after all, two of those to be cured are with OZ, but it's good  
enough for our purposes. Be there in an hour," Dr. J replied. "Oh, and  
let me talk to Heero for a moment."  
  
Heero ducked behind Zechs. "I don't wanna."  
  
"Why not?" Zechs asked curiously, craning his head around to look at   
Heero.  
  
"He's creepy, anyway, he punishes me when I mess up. I think this sort  
of qualifies."  
  
"Heero, he can't do anything to you through the screen," Duo said with   
a sigh. "Now come on and talk to him. We've gotta get moving."  
  
Heero crept out from behind Zechs and crawled up into Duo's lap. He   
looked at Dr. J with a surly expression. "Nani?"  
  
"Oh, for pity's sake, stop that. I'm not going to bite you, boy. I just  
want to know how this is affecting you. It's fairly obvious, though."  
  
"No shit, old man."  
  
"Don't curse at me, boy, you're not old enough."  
  
"I'm not a kid, damn it! This is just a stupid screw-up of one of OZ's  
stupid experiments!"  
  
"I think that outburst proves conclusively that you are not as mature  
as you are normally. If you are going to act like a child, I'm going   
to treat you like one."  
  
"Bastard," Heero muttered, curling up in Duo's lap.  
  
"What did I just tell you about cursing at me?"  
  
"Don't do it," Heero replied resignedly. Everyone else chuckled. Dr. J  
was acting almost like he was Heero's grandfather.  
  
"That's right. Now, when you get here, I expect you to be behaving   
decently, understand?"  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
"Good. Now, hurry up, all of you. Transmitting the address now."  
  
The address scrolled across the bottom of the screen, and Duo quickly  
copied it down. "Got it."  
  
"Alright. Get over here, and let's see about getting this fixed."  
  
"Amen," the older four chorused. Duo shut down the link and held up  
the paper.   
  
"Let's get going! I don't know about you guys, but I want this done,  
ASAP!"  
  
The others nodded, each of the older group picked up their respective  
kids and hurried out to the car. A minivan, that had been bought not  
long after Noin brought the four boys back to the safehouse. Duo hopped  
into the driver's seat, but was dragged out by Wufei, who climbed in  
instead. Duo pouted.  
  
"Why can't I drive?"  
  
"You drive like a madman, Maxwell. Get in the back with the other   
children."  
  
"Hidoi~i!" Duo whined, but got into the back. He quickly made sure all  
the kids were buckled in, then strapped himself into a seat. "Let's go!"  
  
Wufei nodded and started the engine. He pulled out of the driveway and  
set out at a good clip for the address on the paper. He usually didn't   
drive so fast, but he wanted things back to normal just as much as the  
others.  
  
  
A couple of hours later...  
  
  
Duo, Trowa, Noin, and Wufei sat in the waiting room. They were starting  
to get impatient. They'd been there for a little over an hour. The kids   
had been taken back right away, but the adults had been refused access.  
They were all starting to worry. The four jumped up as the door opened.  
  
"Well?" They all said in unison.  
  
Quatre came out first, running over to wrap his arms around Trowa's   
waist. "Trowa! Oh, I'm sorry I gave you so much trouble, koi! I know  
you only had my welfare in mind."  
  
Trowa smiled and tipped the blond's head up, then kissed him gently.  
Quatre responded enthusiastically. The other three, who were watching  
the reunion, turned at the sound of footsteps. Treize walked out, went  
over to Wufei, and swept the Chinese boy over his arm, kissing him  
passionately. Duo and Noin applauded, and were joined by a third, as  
Zechs walked out.  
  
Noin smiled and went over to meet him halfway. She wrapped her arm  
around his waist, and Zechs put his own arm across her shoulders, as  
he waved with the other to Duo. Zechs chuckled as he looked over at   
the two oblivious couples. He nudged Noin.  
  
"Why didn't you greet me like that, Noin?"  
  
Noin snorted. "Sorry to burst your bubble, Zechs, but it was Quatre  
and Treize that greeted like that. So, why didn't YOU greet ME like  
that?"  
  
Zechs shrugged and leaned down to kiss Noin. She wrapped her free  
arm around his neck, kissing back happily. Duo snickered.  
  
"She has got him SO whipped." Duo looked around in confusion. "Where's  
Heero? Oh, man, I hope he's okay! Shouldn't he have come out by now?  
What if-?"  
  
Quatre broke off from Trowa to smile reassuringly at Duo. "He's fine.  
In fact, he should be out any second now."  
  
Zechs and Treize pulled back from their respective partners to look at  
the door, fighting back grins. A moment later, a green and black blur  
came out and moved across the room to collide with Duo. The braided boy  
found himself on the floor, Heero tangled up with him. The others all  
broke out laughing. Duo gaped.  
  
"What the hell...?"  
  
"Happy to see me, Duo?" Heero asked with a small grin. Before the other  
boy could answer, Heero leaned down to capture Duo's lips in a VERY hot  
kiss. It went on for some time. Duo wasn't complaining at all. Catcalls  
and whistles abounded. Finally, Heero pulled away, untangled himself,  
and stood up, helping Duo to his feet as well. Duo's eyes were glazed,  
his hair was mussed, and he had a rather obvious problem. Heero smirked.  
  
"What was that all about?" Duo asked dazedly.  
  
"I felt like it. Consider it my way of telling J to go fuck himself. If  
he wants to complain about my immaturity while I'm a six-year-old child,  
I'm damn well going to show him some immaturity when I'm a teenager."  
  
Duo laughed. "I'm not complaining. At least now I don't have to worry  
about dealing with the results of your immaturity." He looked down at  
himself and sighed. "Well, aside from the direct results on me..."  
  
Heero chuckled. "Don't worry, I'll take care of that when we get home.  
Treize, Zechs, Noin, are you coming back for the night, or setting right  
out?"  
  
The three OZ officers exchanged glances. Treize nodded. "We're coming  
back. We need to talk about some things, anyway."  
  
"What do we need to talk about?" Wufei asked.  
  
"Ending the war, what else? It was bad enough when it was just my lover  
on the opposite side. Now... I'd feel like I was fighting my childhood  
friends."  
  
Quatre grinned. "Technically, we ARE your childhood friends. In a very  
weird sort of way."  
  
"Exactly my point," Treize replied. "I've never been in the habit of   
trying to kill my friends."  
  
Duo let out a loud yell and glomped Heero, wrapping arms and legs around  
his lover. "Yeah! Peace is coming! No more fighting, no more freaking out  
over every mission, no nothing! We can get a house, and a pet, and maybe  
some kids, and-"  
  
"Kids?!" Heero yelped. "Haven't you had enough of kids for a while?"  
  
"Well, I didn't mean right away! Anyway, let's go home."  
  
"Right. Oh, by the way, Zechs?"  
  
"Nani, Heero?"  
  
Heero grinned at Zechs. "We never did get to finish that Wing Zero model.  
Wanna help me with it in the morning?"  
  
Zechs laughed. "Just try to keep me away. I owe you for helping me with  
Tallgeese."  
  
The others started laughing, too, and the group walked out the door,   
heading for the minivan, and home.  
  
~owari~  
  
Teena: *having a giggling fit* This is so funny. I love this fic. Yes,  
I had pity on Noin and let her have Zechs. *sighs* Wufei never did get  
his comeuppance, since I couldn't think of a good way to do it. I hope  
you enjoyed reading this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it. C&C is   
always welcome. Ja ne! 


End file.
